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Why are there no GeoDNS solutions anywhere in sight?

> But what I don't understand is why everyone implies that the status
> quo with round-robin DNS is any better.

I don't think anyone believes round robin DNS records is better. It's
that attempting to do better requires adding onto or changing
standards that must maintain backwards compatibility and thus nearly
useless until everyone adopts it, or hack jobs that have hilariously
funny failure scenarios that are unavoidable because it comes down to
"guess work".