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[mob] [Fwd: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.]
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (glen mccready)
Forwarded-by: Gene Spafford <email@example.com>
From: schuppm <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
you cooked for yourself last night).
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but
you realize you've never purchased that kind.
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem
in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled -- (or wrecked
anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
Expiration dates are NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away
perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps
you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots"
that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and
hairy-looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that
your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
Salt never spoils.
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should
be disposed of. Carefully.
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, the
chip dip has gone bad.
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but
it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the
Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.
Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.
-- P.J. O'Rourke's "The Batchelor Home Companion"