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[mob] [Fwd: "ISPs in Boston are dangerous places and not to be messed around with...." (fwd)]
> From: David Pacheco ([email protected])
> Subject: A MATTER OF GREAT ATTENTION
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
> Date: 2002-12-11 17:15:25 PST
> ATTN: The President/Ceo
> From: Barrister David Pachekotu
> Soyu Wanna Beya Playa Law Firm
> Legal Practitioners
> Confidential Proposal/Investment Assistance.
> Greetings and love to you in the name of the most high God, from my
> beloved country of Boston. I am sorry and I solicit your permission
> into your privates. I am Barrister David Pachekotu, lawyer to Miriam
> "Kibo" Abacha, widow of the late ruler of Usenet, James "Kibo" Parry,
> King of Terror.
> My former client the late "Kibo" Parry has been missing from newsgroup
> alt.religion.kibology for several days now, and it is presumed that he
> died in posting accident in the year 1994 and his posts have been
> written in the between years by the same people who write "Garfield"
> for Jim Davis. The family is currently under investigation and
> undergoing prosecution in the hands of the present Bush dictatorship as
> a result of the mailing of seven calico cats to John Ashcroft by the
> late head of Usenet General James "Kibo" Parry, King of Terror. John
> Ashcroft as is known to you to believe that calico cats are
> representative of Satan in the backwards cult he belongs to: as you
> know, our country is still in Dark Ages in many respects.
> Before the presumed death of my client he had deposited US$32.75 in
> quarters with a secret security firm in two gym socks in my name, and I
> am the only authority to this fund which he was to transfer out of the
> city few days after he died in a nntp client crash. Along with the
> monies are several objects of unknown esteemed value, including an
> original recording of Mr. Rogers calling "Pee Wee" Herman a "fuckwad of
> the highest order", and a broken pool cue once used by Matt McIrvin in
> a bar fight.
> This fund was deposited with the security firm in my name because my
> client overcharged this money to the world.std.com company and he did
> not want anyone to know that he is associated with the fund in question
> not until the fund is successfully moved out of the city. The
> overcharge was occurred when a font that "Kibo" Parry designed
> malfunctioned so killing several webmasters for the company. The $32.75
> expense was supposed to pay for "font insurance" to cover this very
> type of accidental death and dismemberment, but instead was diverted to
> the private coffers of my law firm. It is believed that the nntp crash
> that caused Mr. Parry's death was intentionally triggered by a positive
> meme ratio planted by world.std.com, as revenge and retribution for the
> deadly font accident. ISPs in Boston are dangerous places and not to
> be messed around with on under to.
> The security firm does not know the actual content of the gym socks, my
> client and I told them that the boxes contains pictures of Vice
> President Dick Cheney injecting pure crude oil into his eyeballs as
> part of hazing initiation rite by the Bush dictatorship. For now it
> is only you, I and Mrs. Mariam "Kibo" Abacha that is having knowledge
> of this treasure trove, and the only assistance I require from you is
> to help me spend this fund in either Toys'R'Us, KBToys or Victoria's
> Secret depending on our shop of agreement and possibly invest it abroad
> in candy. In addition, we may auction the pool cue on eBay for a large
> This fund shall be disbursed accordingly as follows: $2.75 for the
> recipient (you) from the total sum(US$32.75). $2 for this man outside
> the office who thinks he has a cell phone but is really just talking to
> himself. $3 in quarters set aside from the entire sum for expenses
> incurred by both parties in due course of executing this transaction
> (bus tokens, phone calls, peep shows). The rest for me and the widow
> Parry. Maybe two bits for a newspaper.
> If you are not satisfied with the percentage sharing of the fund feel
> free to let me know, and I will make arrangements for you to agree with
> me. In compliance with this you are to immediately forward to me by
> mail the following: Your full names and address, confidential telephone
> and fax numbers, a snail with a little cowboy hat and a dozen red roses
> dipped in custard.
> Be warned that an advance fee will have to be paid to bribe the doorman
> at my apartment building so that he can look the other way when I am
> leaving because I am behind in my rent for many months, and this scam
> seems to be a good way to steal some money out of you stupid greedy
> Americans and oh shit no wait. Delete. Delete?
> Ma! How do you delete text in this thing?
> No, I already tried that.
> What delete key?
> I don't see it.
> No, I can't come down, can't you see I'm busy? Help me delete!
> Oh, you are big pain. No, I cannot call tech support because we did
> not buy this software, don't you remember? We burned a CD from Oglaga
> Nbuye's copy of MS Office.
> Duh, yes, that is stealing. What do you think I am doing with the word
> typer software?
> Ma, Bill Gates has enough money. He doesn't need ours.
> Yes, I know stealing is wrong, Ma.
> No! Listen, are you going to help me or not?
> Well, you didn't think it was stealing when you took my pocket money
> for cigarettes, you stupid stealing woman.
> Nothing, Ma, I didn't say nothing.
> In a minute, dammit.
> I said in a minute! Soup can wait! I'm trying to get us rich here!
> With this information I will immediately commence all necessary
> documentation for a successful shipment of the first gym socks to your
> country of choice as all the modalities have already been worked out by
> me using a pen.
> Please note that you are to treat this with utmost confidentiality, and
> not be notifying the policemen of this contact. The policemen here in
> Boston are extremely corrupt, and have buried so many bodies in this
> city that they have had to do the Big Dig to lift the city up by twelve
> inches so they can fit more bodies underneath.
> THE CHOICE IS YOURS, IF I WERE YOU I WOULD, BECAUSE IT WILL COST YOU
> LITTLE OR NOTHING TO ACHIEVE THIS AND THE BENEFIT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
> FOREVER AND MAYBE YOU KEEP THE GYM SOCKS TOO.
> MA! HOW DO YOU TURN OF ALL THE BIG LETTers never mind Ma I found it.
> Remain blessed in the name of KIBO.
> Yours faithfully Barrister David Pachekotu
> --- end forwarded text