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-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Hosing sector remains strong
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 09:08:38 -0500
From: R. A. Hettinga <[email protected]>
To: Digital Bearer Settlement List <[email protected]>, [email protected]

http://www.newsandopinion.com/1202/borowitz.html

Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2002 / 30 Kislev, 5763

Andy Borowitz


Hosing sector remains strong


Record number of investors hosed in 2002

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | A report from the Conference Board released
today indicates that in the fiscal year almost completed, the hosing sector
remained strong, with more American investors hosed this year than in any
other year since record-keeping began.

"With recent gains in the stock market, there was some feeling that the
hosing sector would show a decline this year," said Conference Board
analyst Carlton Young, who helped compile the data. "But based on these
numbers, American investors are still being hosed in record numbers."

Anecdotal evidence based on interviews with hosed investors across the
country supports the Conference Board's finding that the hosing sector
remains strong.

Charles Nickerson, a hosed investor in Bethesda, Maryland, said that his
401(k) plan is down over 27% this year and that he expected to be hosed
next year as well.

"I hold AOL/Time Warner stock," said Mr. Nickerson. "Boy, am I getting hosed."
Despite recent widely touted reforms on Wall Street, the Conference Board's
Young said he was confident that the hosing industry would remain robust.

"As long as there are small investors who are easy to hose, hosing will be
alive and well on Wall Street," Mr. Young said.

In other financial news, a publicist for Saudi Arabia denied today that
there was a "money trail" proving that Saudi funds intended for charity had
instead been funneled to publicists.

"Saudi Arabia is not now nor has it ever been in the business of financing
publicists," the publicist said.


--
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R. A. Hettinga <mailto: [email protected]>
The Internet Bearer Underwriting Corporation <http://www.ibuc.com/>
44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
"... however it may deserve respect for its usefulness and antiquity,
[predicting the end of the world] has not been found agreeable to
experience." -- Edward Gibbon, 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'